Thoughts About Moving

I have lived in Minnesota for 20 1/2 years now, it will be 21 years come February 1st. This is the longest I've lived in any one place. I find myself wishing I could move while acknowledging I can't. When I was married Jim and I moved every few years, based on military and educational needs. It was fun getting to know new places. I miss that fun of getting to explore a new area and make new friends. At the same time it was always hard saying good bye to friends. I would have a hard time making new friends now, mainly because I'm primarily home bound. When my children were young I made friends with their peers' parents. When I was working I had co-workers who were friends. Now I have cats. And my scrapbooking friends, my main out of the home outlet.

I always thought I'd return back east. I'd like to live close to my sister again. And I might if I were healthy. I start Medicare in January. My supplemental coverage is through Health Partners as that is what my past employer provides. Health Partners is a local PPO, which started out as a HMO. All my doctors are in their network so I'm happy to have this coverage. If I moved I'd probably have to buy my own supplemental coverage which I couldn't afford. I have great doctors and replacing them would be a difficult task. It would be one thing to be healthy and need a new primary care doctor but to replace everyone, too hard.

Two of my three children, and all my grandchildren, are here in the midwest. I think it's hard to have grandkids be faraway. My grandmother lived in Arizona and spent part of every summer with us but I wish we could have been with her more. My parents lived in upstate New York while Jim and I with the kids lived in Alabama, Wisconsin, and Minnesota. It would have been to my kids' benefit to see more of their grandparents.

So while I entertain the wish occasionally to move I know I will stay here in Minnesota. But sometimes my heart is elsewhere.

Last Day Summer/First Day Fall

The view from my balcony on the 4th floor on this day that starts out still summer but finishes fall.

Almost Autumn

February was a long time ago. Once I began using Facebook regularly I didn’t feel the need to blog, though I realize many people do both. It was an eventful spring and summer. March and April were spent recovering from February’s sinus surgery plus a sinus infection in the other sinus. March also saw Sondros flying as an unaccompanied minor to Florida to visit his Dad over spring break. He flew Northwest, need I say more. Home one day late, at an extra charge no less. I hate Northwest, AKA Delta.

In June I was hospitalized with GI bleeding. Endoscopic exam showed erosions in the stomach from the pressure of a large hiatal hernia. Surgery was recommended and scheduled for August, as I had a commitment to be with Sondros at his Dad’s in FL. Jim took him down and stayed a few weeks, then I went down for a few weeks and drove him home. Summer in Florida is not my idea of fun. Hotter than hell, humid, daily heavy rains. Sondros and I took a boat trip on the gulf out of Tarpon Springs, saw dolphins, really neat.

In August I went in for the scheduled surgery. Surprise, cancer of the stomach (GIST) was found so I had major surgery. 4 days on IV dilaudid helped with the intense pain. I came home after a week and have been slowly recovering. I lost a lot of blood and needed a blood transfusion, hopefully no hepatitis virus in it. I have found another cancer diagnosis a kick in the head but one must deal with what one is dealt. I wonder if I took a vacation to Chernobyl and just don’t remember.

This is the first year since retirement in June 2007 I can say I’m thankful to be retired. My stamina is gone. I work 4 hours every Saturday in our apartment rental complex and that really is pushing it for me. I’m so exhausted and tired. At 64 I feel about 80 which is such a change for me as I always felt much younger than I was and was so dedicated to my work.

As life moves on Alex and Camila will be adding a new member of the family in April. Armando will get a baby brother or sister.

I will try to update the blog about once/month.

The Long Winter

This has been a long winter. Actually, every winter in Minnesota is long but this has been a much colder winter than most so it seems longer. January was below zero almost the entire month. This weekend was the first above freezing days all month. My lungs cannot take the frigid cold so I’m housebound a good part of the winter. And boy, when cabin fever sets in it is hard to shake. It on top of seasonal depression (SADD) from lack of sun is enough to make anyone want to hibernate. I’m beginning to see why a lot of retired people head south for the winter. I can’t afford that, or even a vacation to a warm spot.

I had a Vitamin D level done this summer, when I was getting plenty of sun, and it was below normal, meaning in winter the level was practically non-existent. I started in Vitamin D in high doses and I’m in the normal range now.I have noticed two positive effects. My SADD wasn’t as bad, and my chronic muscular aches and pains were improved. This was a welcomed change as each winter saw my SADD becoming worse. They should put Vitamin D in the water supply since almost everyone has SADD to some degree, especially as they age.

Even the cats want to hibernate in this weather. They love my electric blanket. They are not liking the balcony being covered in a snowdrift.

My next sinus surgery is this Thursday. The hope is that the tumor can be removed in one piece. If the bone has been invaded then it will be removed and a titanium plate and screws inserted. I’ll be glad when it’s over.

Post Op

Today is my 3rd post op day since my sinus biopsy. I’m slowly feeling better. About the time I’m feeling back to normal it will be time for the next surgery.

Going into surgery the surgeon was reasonably sure we were dealing with a metastasis from my ocular melanoma. The good news is the tumor is not a melanoma, saving me from stage IV melanoma for now. The tumor is a very rare tumor seen most often in men and smokers. Go figure! It is the first time my surgeon has seen such a tumor. The incidence is 5 to 10 per million people, so almost as rare as ocular melanoma. We will know this week whether it is benign or malignant. Either way it must be removed. Squamous cell cancer tends to be hidden within the tumor. The tumor is also aggressive and tends to erode the bone. It frequently recurs.

I am relieved it isn’t a melanoma. It will require on-going treatment and follow-up whether benign or malignant but that’s life.

The day I had surgery it was about 40 degrees below zero wind chill. Today it is actually pleasant enough out I have the windows open. It’s in the 20’s. There were beautiful big snow flakes this morning. I haven’t been out of the house yet so I’m looking forward to getting out this week. I see the surgeon Wednesday and set up the next surgery.

My Birthday

Well, today is my birthday. First, the good parts. Alex and Camila took me to lunch at TGIF, my favorite place. I always order the flat iron steak with Jack Daniel's glaze. It was good as usual. They gave me roses (from Colombia), and Camila brought me a pretty porcelain box from Colombia, along with a string bracelet in Colombia's colors. When I got home there were tulips from Emily and roses from my sister Helen. Wow, three flower gifts in one day! This morning Arthi gave me a porcelain box she brought from her recent trip home to India, it is very colorful. I didn't have any porcelain boxes, now I have two. I will use them to store earrings.

Now, the not so good part. On Monday I had a PET scan done. I have CT scans every 6 months because of having ocular melanoma. OM tends to be an aggressive cancer with a high incidence of spreading, usually to the liver. My oncologist decided I should have a PET scan this time instead, and I'm glad she did. When I saw my pulmonary doctor Tuesday a.m. he shared the PET scan results with me. It showed uptake in the right maxillary sinus, indicating a possible malignancy, likely mets from the eye. This morning I had a CT of the sinuses and saw the ENT surgeon. Well, my sinuses show no infection or sinusitis, I have a tumor in the posterior maxillary sinus on the right. I have been having a lot of facial pain and assumed it was dental, I have a dental appointment next week. I'll have to cancel that for now because I am having a surgical procedure next week to get a biopsy. I will have more surgery but just what depends on the biopsy. If it is recurrent melanoma we are hoping we can get a vaccine made. Melanoma doesn't respond well to chemotherapy. I will probably look for a clinical study if this is melanoma. So much to think about. Cancer, the "gift" that keeps on giving.

I see my oncologist tomorrow a.m. I have the very best medical team. There aren't many places where you'd have a PET scan one day, report the next, and everything set up the third day. For that I am very thankful.

Then Friday I go scrapbooking for the weekend. My favorite The Scrapbook Shop of St. Paul has moved to Lexington/Circle Pines. It's about 20 miles away, it used to be 2 miles away. I'm staying overnight at a motel so I can scrap two whole days and forget cancer for awhile.

Catching Up

I returned home today from visiting my daughter and her family in northern Wisconsin. My 11 y.o. grandson went with me. He and my 4 y.o. grand-daughter always have fun together despite the age difference. Yesterday we all went to see Bedtime Stories at the local movie theater, that still remains open in these days of big cinema plexes. One movie feature at a time. They just recently added some seats with cup holders, hopefully all the old seats will be replaced. It is still much finer than the theater we attended in Thurles, Ireland in 1967. Just wooden folding chairs. The movie was I Saw What You Did and I Know Who You Are. Very scary!! Fortunately Bedtime Stories wasn't scary. It was funny. I enjoyed it, not expecting to for some reason. I have now seen 2 movies in a week (Marley and Me was the other), which is more than I normally see in a year! I'm planning to start seeing more movies this year.

I'm sure we were all sorry to hear about John Travolta's loss of his son. On the news tonight they mentioned he had had Kawasaki Disease at the age of 2 and they wondered if it had contributed to his death. He was diagnosed after 2 days, much earlier than my grand-daughter, who was diagnosed late and had a very rough course. Kawasaki is a rare disease that attacks the blood vessels of the body. It occurs primarily in children under 5 and more common in Asian children. The complication that develops in some children, and can occur at any point in time, are aneurysms, most often aortic aneurysms. Travolta's son had a history of seizures and reportedly had 2 nannies even though he was 16 y.o. . I saw a clip of him on the news and he definitely had the look of a special needs child. My educated guess as to cause of death is the seizure he was reported to have suffered. He did hit his head during the seizure which brings up the possibility of a subdural hematoma, esp if he was on Depakote for seizure management. Depakote tends to thin the blood. It must be very hard to lose a child. No parent is exempt from this possibility, even the wealthy and famous.

Tomorrow I have my PET scan, hoping for good news.